Mars & Venus

Inspired by another blogger I am starting this new Category. I wil be posting tit bits related to both genders. So there I go........

• Equality is a myth- women are simply better. 
  
• By default men tend to have lesser memory.  
• Girls and machines do not go together.
• Men dont cry.
• Diamonds are best friends of a woman.
• For women wealth and bank balance matters,  age is most  irrelevant-Sept 24th 2008

Image source: http://www.plong.com

Sunrise

How beautiful is morning...

Motherhood Moments

After settling down in my new house, I asked my five years old son “how do you like this new home?”
“It is fine, but I like the earlier home better.” He replied. I could not stop asking him why and what is that you miss here. “Oh, there was a big park just in front of our home. I used to love that. I made several friends there.” And he started naming all his friends. “And I will miss my school” he said.
“You will go to a new school and will find new friends there, so don’t worry about friends.”I tried to console him. “But I will still miss my old home,” he was insisting. To make him comfortable, I started asking him further more things/ factors which he liked about the old home. “Garden in front, flowers, Kitchen garden, my old bicycle….. an endless list was there. I inquired “there must be something which you disliked there?” “I hated when you used to beat me, hit me in fit of anger and used to lock me inside the room…”
WHAT???
Oh my god!!! What a pain I have given to my little son ? Do I want him to grow up with these horrifying memories? How much mental and physical pain, he must have gone through that all those incidents are imprinted on his innocent psyche?
His innocent statement made me to rethink all my past actions. I am grateful to him, by saying so he gave me an opportunity to correct my self. Right at that moment only, I promised myself that what so ever happen, I will never hit my son.
To keep my promise, I am constantly checking my reaction and keep them in control. This led to a great learning for me, as I learnt how to re-route /re-channelize emotions and reactions. I learnt to modify my instant reaction to learnt behavior.
Thank you my little teacher!!!

Confession

How difficult is it to be believe that we all live alone...in isolation. life is in Togetherness, it may seem so but do we? What makes us to be with some body for a while... when we are actually with that person. When we live, think, breath and understand somebody else apart from ourselves.or we let the other person read and understand us. Whenever I look back at life, it seems people live in their defined boundaries. For what ever reason, they dont allow others to participate in their lives. For a while, one may allow to peep in, yet no trespass is welcomed.Even with the friends and realtive, we live for years.

Expressing all this leads simply to the fact that everyone lives in his/her respective boundaries. and for sure nobody is allowed there; however close or so called loved.

Relations- Ma and us

It is very interesting to share, who so ever used to meet three of us, could never believe that we are real sisters. Though both of my elder sisters are beautiful, yet don't resemble at all. For me, my complexion used make a strong statement against the fact. Why am I repeating this is because the same was repeated during my school admission. Though it hardly made any negative mark on my psyche, yet it was part of each induction, everywhere. Even in our primary school ,which was a convent school, it was an established fact. Nina used to take part in all dance programmes, Suno used to be really good with English competitions and i was doing allover fine. While I was leaving my primary school, I made a point to meet all my teachers who contributed to my learning. Mrs Chopra, my nursery teacher reminded me about my first ever conflict with her. Strange to know that a 4+ child can have a debate/ conflict with her teacher. But I did... The story goes, in one of myEnglish alphabet test, i completed my test fastest. There was no mistake. I was awarded with "Good". I was happy.But after a while, one of my classmate also completed and got same remark. Now, I was unhappy. I went straight to my teacher and asked her "why did you gave same remark to him?" " He also completed without any mistake."Teacher replied. " But it took a while for him to do so..."it was me. No doubt, it was my in born competitive spirit, which troubled my nursery teacher.
In my primary school, i had majority of boys as classmates, compared to girls. So to say in my fourth grade, there were only six girls. We all were given a pet name for our traits. So there was my close friend - Renu, who was titled as Radio- she was very talkative. Amrita was known as rolly dolly- she was cute little fat girl. I cannot remember all of them but clearly remember my pet name- Kiran Bedi- because of my tough and tomboyish attitude. Finally, this Kiran Bedi was to join her secondary school.
In my new school, my basic traits were recognized quite early. I was a good orator for Sanskrit, Hindi as well as for English. I was made monitor of my class with immediate effect. It was our Yoga teacher, who was appointed as our class teacher. She used to take our Social sciences as well. I have no idea why, but she was very fond of me. She was young unmarried lady in late twenties, had long hair and good physique. Thanks to her yoga practice. She used to wear suits ( tight kurtas and churidar), with matching glass bangles - no less than a dozen in each arm, to add beauty to her manicured hands. Her high heels with sound were also part of her trade mark dressing. She used to walk in a very feminine manner, which used to amuse me. In one of the free periods, while controlling my class, I was trying to entertain them as well. So i initiated Antakshari, it did not turn out to be good option. Than , I asked my classmates to imitate anyone, whom they like. Well It went on very well. Now it was my turn, I found my class teacher Ms. Khanna to be the best character. I was imitating her, was trying to walk like her. Whole class enjoyed it, and they ask to repeat it. I was also enjoying, and was repeating. No body realized, when Ms. Khanna entered inside the room. When I turned towards the door, I could see her...
" You come to Library and meet me."order passed by Ms. Khanna. I was shivering and shaking, because I knew what I did and was caught red handed also. After a while I was in the library, there were few more teachers. I could see on every body's face that Ms. khanna has already told the episode. " So you can copy me." I had no reaction. " OK . Please do it here, let others also judge how well you do it."she said. I was not able understand what to do. Rather I pleaded guilty and ask for an apology. " Oh , i really liked the way you copied me, and I want to see it again."So that was my first encounter at my secondary school. Evrybody in the room really enjoyed it, and Ms. Khanna never discouraged me for any thing.
Ms. Khanna remained always a source of inspiration for her healthy attitude and yoga habits. She made a point to teach me yoga, to channelise my energy in right direction. She also taught me various methods to maintain good exercise regime.

Relations-Ma and us

Born as the third daughter to family of struggling middle class in early 70's is an experience in itself. Yes i have two elder sisters, both are beautiful. In all our sibling there is a constant age difference of two years. The eldest sister, Nina- is not only beautiful, but is street smart and intelligent enough to fool people cleverly.The middle one - Sonu , looks like a Cinderella- fair complexion, golden hair and doe eyed. She should have been in that fantasy world only, as she is still so innocent and Seedha for this world. And My self-though I have resemblance with my father, yet got the dusky complexion from my mom. General opinion about about my intellectual capabilities are not bad; I leave my emotional quotient aspect open to interpretation.
From early child hood, I saw my mom struggling hard with reality of the life everyday, from morning till late night. Her morning used to start at 5 :00, to put on that coal wala angithi, then cooking for the family of seven. Yes, I do have two younger brothers too. Once three us of were off to the school, then it was father, who used to leave at 9:00 and then she would go on completing rest of the house hold chorus.
At age of 7, I learnt how to make chapatis. My two elder sister knew it already. So there was second line of help was ready for my mom. So to say after 12 years of hard work, the burden was lessen for my mom thanks to three daughters at home. But this same help was the biggest issue in her life. She was day and night reminded of the financial burden of three daughters marriage. As far as I remember, my mom never uttered a single word in the same tone, or which meant the same. She always loved her daughters if not more, then no less than to her two sons. I wonder about intellectual sensitivity of my not so educated mother, who looked at this situation very rationally and came up with the best solution.
What was the solution? She always professed that three of us should study hard and be financially independent. What so ever happens to marriage, or after marriage was not at all her concern. She never talked to us like traditional mothers, to educate use on how to dress, or carry yourself. She only emphasised on the number and quality of skills which we should acquire.
Nina was a social bird from early child hood, she had several friends and was most fun loving child. She would help mom, if she feels like, nothing mattered to her than her own desires and wishes. One day ma gave three different tasks to three of us. Ma went out for grocery shopping , not to forget all this was my mom's duty. Nina smartly took out a blade from papa's shaving kit. And what she did ... she cut her two fingers, because she never wanted to do house hold menial tasks. Good, because we saw her doing so, she did same with us also.Me and Sonu started crying, not only because it hurt, but also that we were also not able to do assigned task. Now when mom was back, three of us were ready with the wounded fingers.What a mother could do in such situation? Oh I cannot think of my self in my mother's place. I would have gone hysterical. But she looked at us, and repeated all the assigned tasks, and for sure we all completed. So this was my tough ma ,and notorious sister, facing each other and fighting for their objectives.
But I must acknowledge Nina's contribution to my life, as a child I had speech articulation disorder. I could never produce sound "K" instead, it used to be "T". When was 7+ and Nina was 11+, one day she caught hold of me , and ask me to repeat the sound "K" in different variations. I was not able to do so, it was always "T". But after 30 minutes of rigorous practice, we were successful. I am grateful to my sis for this. Without any scientific knowledge or method she made me to overcome the disorder.She was also above average in her studies, but only till her primary education. Later she was more conscious about her looks. She gained puberty much earlier compare to both of us. She used to look like a teenager much before her age.

Me and Sonu are very close so do my two bothers Tinu and Rinku. Nina never needed a buddy thing. She was happy-go-lucky person. Or she was big boss over us, she used to delegate all her tasks between me and Sonu. Her school day used to start at 6:45, whereas she was suppose to be in the school by 7:15. If i calculate accurately, our school was almost 3Kms away from home. One could take a good 15 minutes morning walk and reach. But the kind of timing Nina maintained , she could hardly wakeup , iron her uniform and gulp the prantha, without taking bath, yet late to walk and reach the school. In earlier instances, Papa used to drop her on his two wheeler, but not forever. Whereas, Suno and I used to wake up 6:00 in the morning, take bath, cook breakfast and leave for the school before the big boss wakes up. Finally Nina used to take a cycle rikshaw almost everyday and be part of late comers. It was our secondary school, yes it was a government school for all girls in the first shift and Co-Ed for the second shift.
By the time I joined this secondary school, Nina was in class 8, and Sonu in 7.Nina was already popular for her beauty and social skills. Sonu was known as Nina's younger sister, or else for shy and introvert nature exactly opposite to Nina. I must mention, my father has no role in deciding our secondary school or education. My ma used to take all decisions, with what ever to best of her knowledge. Let me be honest, my father by this time stopped bothering about our study. But discipline was his prime forte, rather dictatorship on what we wear, where we go and major concern what time. Nina got admission to this school through her earlier school principal, and Sonu and I were admitted on our merit and Nina's social skills.It was a government school but known for it performance and quality staff and students.

With a stranger in a room

This was her bua ji's marriage. A three or two star newly constructed hotel was booked for the occasion. Hotel was reasonably occupied. There were relatives whom Meera knew and met them often, there were relatives whom she used to meet during occasions like marriages, and there were relatives whom she have never met. Or probably meet them first time at age of sweet sixteen.Like all marriages, barat came, dinner was served and so on. The lagan mahurat was in the early morning hours, some time near 4:00. Room distribution was not that organized, every family wanted to have a room for themselves, and they occupied accordingly. In all this, there were few families left with no rooms, and were finally asked to share rooms as per their liking. Bride and all young crowd was so excited, they never wanted to sleep. Meera was part of that group only. The group with the bride were inside a room, gossiping, talking and enjoying. This group had Meera's first cousins, and few young girls and boys who were probably from distant relatives, She was as usual most energetic and bubbly person in the group, was attending and interacting with one and all.
Another reason of being so attentive was, that her family was the host for this marriage. A young college boy was also part of this group. He introduced himself as AK to the group. Further, he was an engineering student . Discussions on various topics went on and on, untill a call from elders from the family, to bring the bride for the ceremony. Meera was dead tired by that time, and was least interested in the rituals. She decided to stay back in the room, while rest of the group accompanied the bride.
This is it, she needed an empty room with clean bed and within seconds she was in deep sleep. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her back, This hand was cuddling her,and taking her closer to the other person. She was shocked and woke up . It was none other but AK...he was also in deep sleep. But what he was doing in this room and on this bed. So many questions came to mind, she rushed to open the door, but the door was locked from outside as there were quite a few expensive jewellery and dresses inside the room. Now what to do?
One she could wake up AK and ask him to leave the room, but what would be his reaction, she had no clue.How would he leave the room, if it was locked from outside. She could call up the reception and ask them to unlock the room. But it will lead to lots of queries... who was actually staying in the room, who locked it, should only be open in the presence of somebody. thinking all these, Meera realized let it be as natural as it is. She will face whatever happens in the natural course of action. Till the time, AK is sleeping and she was in her senses nothing can go wrong. Meera sat on a sofa beside the bed and was waiting for somebody to unlock the room. When she slept back, she had no idea.suddenly She felt a very subtle touch on her face. some body was trying to move hair from her face. For sure it was him. Meera was dead scared now. She didnot know how to react. She pretended to be in deep sleep. This was the best, untill this room is locked and both of them are inside it.He opened her thick little pony tail, "oh what a sensation... " shall i stop him? Meera thought.
She could not dare to move even a single bit. It was some body else's marriage and she was baptised to adulthood.No he didnot do all that... but it was first ever male touch, after she gained puberty. He came closer and sat next to her, though she was seated with dangling legs and head on two different sides.He put her head carefully on the side cushion of the sofa.She was still like a dead person, and afraid of his each action. what will be the next action?
Then he brought a side chair and sat so close to her face, that she could feel his breath.What next??? He started talking to himself. From all his talks Meera could make out that he is very romantic person. He was reciting beautiful poetry, he was humming all time romantic song from Silsila movie. Suddenly he bent towards her face, and touched her lips with his fingers and said "you look so pretty, even in sleep; and these lips, I am sure would taste and feel good as they look."Oh my god!! she was not prepared for this... none the less she moved her face as she was in deep sleep. He came closer and gave a sweet little kiss on her cheek.
" It seems I have fallen for you. What could be better that we are in a locked room, for no reason. Let me express my self...yes you are like fresh daisy, slippery like a fish and Innocent like drop of dew." Meera could never forget these words. So well spoken man. Now she was curious to know what next?
He whispered "keep sleeping the way you are, atleast I can speak my heart out, I would like know you better.I would like to be love in your life... and finally I think it is love at first sight. and God wanted me to tell you everything." Again he gave a sweet kiss on Meera's hand, held it tight and said "Yes. I am in love."
A noise from outside disturbed those lovely romantic moments. AKwas back on the bed pretending as he is in deep sleep. Meera woke up and went to wash room. AKwas taken aback, as now he knew what was going on. There was no time to check AK 's reaction, everybody else with the bride was inside the room. Nobody noticed who was where. Meera made a silent exit from the room.
But next day,when all rituals were over, and all guest started moving back to their homes. AK and Meera were standing facing each other. He said " Good, I need not to repeat. You know what I have in my heart. I will soon visit you." Meera was all red.
Yes, AK did visit Meera's home. He also sent a marriage proposal, but was declined by her family for various reasons. Marriage was not that important, important was that experience... an exclusive, memorable romantic adventure, planned by destiny.

A phone friend

I heard phone (land line) ringing while I was climbing up the stairs. Yes , it was ringing at my home.I entered, and picked up the receiver- Hello! Hello! any body there....
"Hello"- finally a male voice replied.
"Whom do you want to talk"- I asked.
"You Only"-he said.
It was shocking for me. As far as I know I was the ugliest in my sisters. I had never talked to any boy, always studied in a girls school. No interaction with boys. I was most tomboyish. Rather I noticed my face first time on my mother's insistence , surely a complain that I never took care of my self. So who could be calling me??? Well, i felt a sweet sensation also. But was very much afraid of my Hitler father- very short tempered, highly influential person.I could only reply-"wrong number".
But the it rang again, and this time this voice addressed me with my pet name." don't put the phone down. I know whom am I talking to, and It is the Right number and Right person too."
Now I was bombed. Not because I knew who is on the other side but with the thought that I should be ready for any kind of reactions from my father, if he ever comes to know. I knew it for sure without any query, my father will come to a conclusion that I know this boy, and I have given him my number.
Well best at this moment was to tell him to Shut Up. so I did. I also banged the phone. But it rang again.Again the same voice " I just want to talk to you for a while. It should not be a problem".By this time my mom was standing behind me, well both of us were trying to understand one thing-Who is he? My mom asked me same question and I tried to reply her with best of my conviction that I donot know. I must acknowledge my mom's understanding attitude. She agreed.
Just a few seconds down, phone started ringing again. Now I requested my mom to receive the call and ask this person to not to call again. My mom did the same.Person on the other end just listened to what my mom said, without any reaction or response.Finally it stopped ringing.

As far I remember, it was a weekend and there was an ODI between India and Pakistan. Though I am not that keen follower of cricket, but watching it to accompany my father. Right at 13:05 phone started ringing. It was exact time, when I return back from my school. Well I had forgotten the relation between phone ringing and this timing. But was reminded by the voice " Hello". How are you doing? I believe this is right time to talk to you" On weekends, my father avoids receiving any call, so obviously I was there to answer. " Wrong number" I said, and abruptly banged the phone. I could hear my heart beat because of the fear, that what will happen if this boy again starts the way he did last time. It was my father sitting next to me, not my mother, who will trust me without any further doubt.
For next few minutes phone never made any sound. I was relaxed. It was lunch break for the cricketers and a nature call for my father, which left me alone in the room. I was enjoying some advertisements, the phone started ringing again. I was almost sure, that it is a call for my father. I picked up the receiver and replied casually " Hello".
" Now you are going to tell me the score of the team , in detail. If not,I will keep calling untill you talk to me" he threatened me. I was sacred, and i started answering all his question related to the ODI. He happily told me that he just wanted to hear my voice for a few minutes. It makes him feel good. So it shall not be problem.It could be pleasureable romantic moment for any other girl of sweet sixteen, but not for me as I never knew who he was? and was seriously disinterested in boys for any reason.
My father came back to his position by that time. I didnot tell this to anyone, not to my two elder sister, nor to ma. In corner of my heart I knew, that he will stop calling, may not call again. But what!!! It was right 13:05 , i was climbing stairs, and phone was ringing. Me and one of my elder sister entered together, but as usual I picked up the phone. "Hello" " how was school, today?'Were you expecting me to call? he started without any pause. Fear was slowly getting lighter. I was enjoying somebody's undivided attention. I started talking to him. My first question was very obvious " what is your name? or who you are? how do you know me?
"I am an admirer, I love your voice, if you can trust me."He replied. As per my knowledge, me and my eldest sister had almost same voice, for sure there is nothing so great about it. I laughed and replied, "so that is why you are talking to me.You have never seen me, I am not at all beautiful or attractive. Once you see me, you will change your opinion. and stop wasting your money and time."
"From where this beauty...seeing things came between you and me. I said I admire your voice, I like the way you talk. Am I clear now." He said
"This was some thing new..." and I kept arguing with him while trying to understand the reason of his call and persistence. We kept arguing for good 15 minutes and finally my mom came with a strict command to keep the phone back. So I did, abruptly.But again he called up and told me very softly, we can talk for few minutes , and that is satisfying for him. I was shocked.
Next day onwards, my mom made a strict rule that I shall not receive any call. I had no reaction, as I never knew who he was, did not have any INTEREST and ATTACHMENT; two very crucial factors for any relation. But the caller had both. He started calling right at 13:05 and kept calling every ten minutes, till the time I answered his call.It was 15:30, my mom wanted to sleep peacefully without any further phone bell ringing in the home. He was on the line, very patiently, he advised me to receive his calls religiously, as he makes them. I was amused. I told him honestly my reason of receiving his call. What ever the reason, he was more than happy to talk to me. What we discussed god knows, but it took good 30 minutes. That day my eldest sister came to know about this call and caller story, which she never believed.Next day my sister came back early from college, just to receive his call. As we planned, my eldest sis and I have similar voice. She picked up the phone. Voice from other side" Please hand over to your sister. I know she is there. I will talk to you, but first I want to talk to her. " This was a shock for my sister,not only he could make out the difference, but also she was beauty queen of her college.She was not used of such treatment. After lots of arguing from both side, my sister came to conclusion that he is none other, but some of my friend. Well this was not the truth.Anyway, I did not talk to him. Every time phone rang, my sister was replying back. He used to keep the phone back. It kept on going till 22:00,but now it was time for my father to be home. Nobody would dare to play around with his temper, so I was pushed to pick up the phone. Same old reaction I got, "will it matter to you If we talk for few minutes, it makes me happy. I cannot do anything, untill I listen to your voice."
It went on for months, everyday he will call up right at 13:05 and i used to talk to him. I just wonder now, how did I have such an unwanted relation? A relation with no attachment, with no commitments and no expectation from both the parties. We used to discuss so many things from politics to fashion, from colors to nature, he also tried to talk to me about romantic novels and movies. Very interestingly, we never talked about anything personal, neither I asked, nor he did. It went on for continuous three years, he used to call everyday, including weekends. We used to talk for some times for few minutes sometime for hours... I stopped asking about his identity, as it never mattered to me.He never told about himself.
Isn't it amazing, I really lived a very interesting and unusual relation at a very young age. Now I love that experience, I adore that detached attachment. I still do not know who he is? neither I want to know. I learnt quite a few things from this unknown man in my life: pleasing and smooth talking, lot many unknown topics/ areas of information, best how to remain detach being so much attached and attracted to some body.This attraction and attachment was not there from my side, but it was deep rooted on the other side. As for sure there was some reason that he only wanted to talk to me only- I consider it was liking and adoration... and I am not wrong.

Relations- To fullfill or empty ?

After being on the earth for more than three decades, very often this question comes to mind. Why we need people around us ? To support, to love, to confide, to debate, even to fight... there are several reasons than these ones. It is not always that one can relate with another, but one meets people whom he/she can easily relate, and we get into relation ships. Though there are several kinds of relationships, I can categorize them as:Relation which you cannot choose, so to say you are born with. Relations which you make unknowingly, and yes there are relation which you make knowingly. Which one these are long lasting? or fulfilling or demanding?
The very first my relation which I remember started when I was born-my mother and father.My mother a simple just literate woman from remote village of India. A woman who was born with a golden spoon. She is ninth in her siblings. Tall, dusky very attractive, not so educated yet composed.She came from a family of landlords,had uncounted servants, brought up in a haveli with thirty six rooms.
I clearly remember going to my Nanaji's home and than visiting his fields. He used tell us look as far as you can see the horizon, its all our land. Daughter of this landlord was married to man who had a small home, a man from a small town but with high ambitions. Yes, I am referring to my father- a man with sharp vision and sharper brain. A man just with education up till matriculation, yet made a niche for himself in a highly intellectual field- media. newspaper, journalists, editors, management, and the top industrialist of the country.
I just think about these two individuals who came from different backgrounds altogether- getting married, having family and than giving them future.Very first time, this thought came to me when I was about to get married. And when I choose my life partner- from a different culture, language and region. What shocked me was the economical strata difference of my parents, at the time of their marriage. If I could translate the difference between the two it would be 1:10,000.Still my mother never ever made it any issue in her life. She never complained about the lack of finances. I still cannot figure out the reason of her content nature. Especially, after understanding the impact of vast difference of economical strata. But what I clearly remember is all Nakharas of my father... his unending demands and unbearable tantrums. His complains - that my mom is not that educated, she cannot socialise in his highly educated society.
A woman who has lived in a 36 rooms haveli, being always served by uncounted servants used to do all house hold menial tasks just to please her husband... She was also accused of giving birth to three daughters.What kind of relation is this ??? Can we call it fullfilling?